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A close friend once said to me "Your search to define who you are has become an essential part of who you are". So therefore I will not introduce myself, not being quite sure yet. If you are reading this you are probably close to me and know me well already.

2008/07/06

Late night thoughts

Today I was having coffee with close friends. It was a lazy day in the sun, a bit slow since we were out last night at Ljunggrens and Debaser .
No eventful evening of any sort, just general people spotting and drinking.
Lots of beautiful people out but no one for me.

It bores me, trying to find that perfect one in a bar in midst of a thousand others. Everyone so self occupied and self aware.. Me, of course, one of them, I'm not saying I'm any better. But, I mean, if you do end up with someone, talking the night away, then what? Morning comes and the beauty and excitement from last night fades away. How could we possibly meet "the one" in a crowded bar, alcohol involved, loud music playing? The meat market has never felt so cheap, so close and yet so distant.

When we were sunbathing by the water outside my house Saturday, two guys in their late 20's came and lay down close to us and started chatting with each other.
We couldn't help but overhear their conversation, also because they were talking pretty loudly. One was pretty normal looking and one a little better looking. Number one never really said that much, mostly it was number two doing all the talking. They chatted away about girls and clubs and last night and so on. Then number two said, stating what he apparently thought was an obvious thing;
"It's much better to go for the ugly ones, it's much easier".
I was so provoked, not so much for him being a complete asshole and all, but for how he could live with himself always sleeping with girls he finds ugly? I have a suspicion he has never been in love. So, that also added to my somewhat jaded excitement of meeting someone out in a bar.
It's ugly, the Swedish meat market.

I did meet a couple of french Canadians, they were much fun to talk to. I wish I had been better with my french, it could've been cool to speak some.

Speaking of France, tomorrow Jonna is booking the tickets for Paris! I am thrilled, we'll be away for a long weekend in the end of August and we only want to go to stores, take long walks, eat good food and drink good wine! Since I was there recently and Jonna's been there too, there is no need to go sightseeing and since we're both old ladies we don't look for cool clubs and fancy discos.. It'll be great.

Will go to bed soon. I have spent this Sunday evening on the couch, watching the first season of Californication and doing laundry. Now I have wet laundry drying all over the place and no bed sheets.. Shit. These next two weeks will be heavy since my buyer is off on vacation and I am left alone with all. Thrilled but nervous. Good thing there is no more bus strike, it made my mornings so hectic!

I have to get my head around this whole love thing.
I know so many of my friends are looking actively for it, longing to find The One.
I also want to find The One, settle down and make babies for the rest of my life, but at the same time I am so happy with being on my own, deciding every little thing on my own! Am I the unnormal one?
Should I feel stressed and unhappy and half since I am alone (bullshit, I am surrounded by good people) or should I be satisfied and a little snug since I am satisfied like this? AM I SATISIFIED LIKE THIS? I don't know. The loneliness and the restlessness creeps up on me when I least expect it but I don't suffer from it the way I see so many others do.

I think in time all of that love stuff will come. No stress, just making the best out of these years that supposedly are the best of our lives.
I know I'm a good girl, I know I'll get to that place later in life.
It does work out for the best, and I know that there are happy endings.

When I meet him, I hope I'll just know.

Nighty night.

1 kommentar:

fredrik sa...

what you wrote about love may have been your words, but they were my feelings. and you know what, you might meet the one tomorrow, and so may i. it's never too late to meet him or her.