So many things can make me sad.
Rinht now it's listening to "Irreplaceable" with Beyoncé. It brings back such memories of Borås (yes, always the same damn town) and a certain boy that we called Pedro. He was the one person that "got away" since I've grown old. He was the love of my adult life. He was everything I thought I'd ever wanted, no more. He was everything I DIDN'T KNOW I wanted. For a while he was all I needed. I breathed this existence, if that makes sense. When he'd been in my bed I never wanted to change sheets. I wanted to inhale him for the rest of my life, that's how in love I was. Or thought I was, since it didn't last.
He moved on and I was alone again. That's where the madness started for me. Not because of him, but after him.
And I hate being so melancholic, I hate it.
I saw my friends today after work and we touched the subject, my melancholy. And then the brain takes off.. Why I'm never happy, I'm always going places.. I just want to find my way home. And I don't know where that is.
Home is where the heart is, as my tattoo symbolizes. Well, my heart is growing colder and colder.
Whenever I feel this way I listen to (I know it's cheesy, don't tell me) The Killers "Read my mind". It makes me remember how badly I want to leave and that there's more to life than this. That I can always take off again. That I'm better than this. That there's more to life than this.
No one seems to understand that my settling down here is a step closer to leaving.
3 kommentarer:
I was just saying to Amanda yesterday that I'm in a constant state of transit, always going somewhere else, either physically or mentally. It can be tiresome, and it can scare away potential partners. I thought I was done moving a few years ago, and when I met Her autumn of 2006, I felt it was the last thing to make me complete and settled. Then all fell apart. But you know what, I came back. Still in transit, but surprisingly happy. Where did it come from? Wouldn't have thought it possible only four months ago...
Sorry for amblin' on, but your writing inspires me!
Oh, please continue to leave marks on my page! It's so nice to get your feedback! I am happy to inspire, that is very sweet of you to say.
Hope you like your new phone by the way! :-)
good writing always inspires me...
i love my phone! it's ever so pretty!
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