Broken-hearted girl

Getting by, taking it little by little.
It's the only thing I can't really talk about anymore but the only thing on my mind for the last month.

I thought it would get easier with time but now I'm relapsing and I'm back there, with all the questions unanswered and just a silence to talk to.

I'll let Tiziano Ferro speak my mind. This song here below, "Il regalo più grande" was actually dedicated to me by him. I never really listened to it then, I think I was scared of what it might have said. And now it's too late and those words hurt even more because they meant something to him.



Il Regalo Più Grande
The Greatest Gift

Voglio farti un regalo
I want to get you a gift
Qualcosa di dolce, qualcosa di raro
Something sweet, something rare
Non un comune regalo
Not a common gift
Di quelli che hai perso, o mai aperto
Like those that you've lost, or never opened
O lasciato in treno, o mai accettato
Or left in the train, or never accepted
Di quelli che apri e poi piangi
But those that you open and then you cry
Che sei contenta e non fingi
And you're happy and not pretending
In questo giorno di metà settembre
On this day in mid-September
Ti dedicherò il regalo mio più grande
I will devote to you, my greatest gift

Vorrei donare il tuo sorriso alla luna perché
I want to give your smile to the moon so that
Di notte chi la guarda possa pensare a te
At night whoever sees it can think of you
Per ricordarti che il mio amore è importante
To remind you that my love is important
Che non importa ciò che dice la gente
And that it doesn't matter what people say
Perché tu mi hai protetto con la tua gelosia che anche
Because you've protected me with your jealousy and
Che molto stanco il tuo sorriso non andava via
When very tired your smile did not go away
Devo partire però se ho nel cuore
I have to leave but if I know in my heart
La tua presenza è sempre arrivo e mai partenza
That your presence is always an arrival and never a departure
Il regalo mio più grande
My greatest gift
Il regalo mio più grande
My greatest gift

Vorrei mi facessi un regalo
I want you to get me a gift
Un sogno inespresso, donarmelo adesso
An unvoiced dream, now given to me
Di quelli che non so aprire
One that I know not to open
Di fronte ad altra gente
In front of other people
Perché il regalo più grande
Because the greatest gift
È solo nostro per sempre
is only our forever

Vorrei donare il tuo sorriso alla luna perché
I want to give your smile to the moon so that
Di notte chi la guarda possa pensare a te
At night whoever sees it can think of you
Per ricordarti che il mio amore è importante
To remind you that my love is important
Che non importa ciò che dice la gente
And that it doesn't matter what people say
Perché tu mi hai protetto con la tua gelosia che anche
Because you've protected me with your jealousy and
Che molto stanco il tuo sorriso non andava via
When very tired your smile did not go away
Devo partire però se ho nel cuore
I have to leave but if I know in my heart
La tua presenza è sempre arrivo e mai...
That your presence is always an arrival and never...

E se arrivasse ora la fine che sia in un burrone
And if the end arrived now, let it be in a canyon
Non per volermi odiare solo per voler volare
Not for you to hate me, only because I want to fly
E se ti nega tutto questa estrema agonia
And if this extreme agony denies you everything
E se ti nega anche la vita respira la mia
And if it also denies you life itself, breathe mine
E stavo attento a non amare prima di incontrarti
I was careful not to love before I met you
E confondevo la mia vita con quella degli altri
And confused my life with that of another
Non voglio farmi più del male adesso
I don't want to hurt myself anymore
Amore, amore
Love, love

Vorrei donare il tuo sorriso alla luna perché
I want to give your smile to the moon so that
Di notte chi la guarda possa pensare a te
At night whoever sees it can think of you
Per ricordarti che il mio amore è importante
To remind you that my love is important
Che non importa ciò che dice la gente
And that it doesn't matter what people say
E poi
And then
L'amore dato amore preso amore mai reso
The love given, love taken, love never returned
Amore grande come il tempo che non si è arreso
Love so great like time that has never surrendered
Amore che mi parla coi tuoi occhi qui di fronte
Love that speaks with your eyes here facing me

Sei tu sei tu sei tu sei tu sei tu
It's you, it's you, it's you, it's you, it's you
Il regalo mio più grande
My greatest gift

Dramatic, right? It speaks right to me in so many ways, I don't know what to do with all of this sadness.

Happy New Year!

Suffering..

...from a broken heart.

The first time ever. Will it ever pass?

If so, I will let you know.


"Oh Lordy, don't leave me, all by myself.."

The Big Apple

I'm finally on my way!!!

Finally going back to the greatest city on Earth!! I'm so happy, I
need to go away (and dream it all up again, as Bono would say) and I
need that space for air, thoughts, reflections...

When I get off the plane I'll be in Reykjavik Iceland. Cool!

I also need to sort out my thoughts and feelings. For the last four
days I've had a friend from Florence staying at my place. We started
out as colleagues at Gucci and now, almost four years since I last saw
him, he came to see me (thanks Facebook!) and we just hit it off
completely! Weird but wonderful, these last days have been filled with
laughter, jokes, Italian food, singing (yup, really!) and kisses, hugs
and butterflies.

I seriously need to go away and sort out my thoughts.

Thanks to my two readers a day I feel I need to update this page, I'm
so bad at consistency!!! Thanks Sitemeter for telling me you're still
out there, checking up on me every once in a while!

Xoxo, ttys!

Sent via my iPhone

Lindex leather jacket and finding my way back home

My friends never succeeded in finding that jacket in my size, only large sizes left. Too bad, it is so nice! I'm guessing the fashion bloggers are to blame, if one of them hypes an item it will be sold out in no time. And me, not too active in that area, trying to find my own golden items, gets totally left without! Well, sorry for not being such an active reader of Swedish teen-bop fashion blogs!! Argh. Really just disappointed, it looks so nice and was so cheap!

While they've been running about town doing my dirty errands (I wish, it wasn't really like that at all..) I've been lying on the couch sweating, freezing, sipping soup and tea and fantisizing of junk food to eat. Still ill and getting quite bored of it. Did some cleaning up today, so I can at least feel yukky in a clean apartment. It made me feel a little better actually.

Perhaps I should take a photo or two to show my dear readers (if there are any still out there) what my apartment looks like? Would that be fun?

Hmm. Anyway, getting more and more childishly pleased with my new MacBook Pro! I have gotten MacJournal Trial, ViJournal Lite and MiLife (shareware) and I am trying to compare them. So far, I am not at all impressed with.. ViJournal at all. Boring interface and no real functions. When I tried pasting a photo it filled up the whole screen and there was no way of adjusting the size. Things like that would bug me if I depended my daily life on it.

See, I figured I need to get back on track again, re-figuring out who I am. Not that I feel lost or anything, I just lost a little bit of track recently. A little bit of direction, motivation, purpose. Perhaps it has some to do with the fact that two close friends have been a little down recently. Of course it affects me and the questions they pose themselves, their doubts and worries sometimes gets to me too. Not that I feel attacked, no, more that I start pondering myself. Also, posing the question why I seem to have my act together and not get sad. What do I do to get by? Do I get by? Really? And there we go. It's not anything major, I am still happy, calm and I have no issues (other than being ill and hating it). I have things to look forward to the coming month, I have a great loving family, wonderful friends, a job I love coming to every morning, a home I love returning to every evening..! Is the loneliness bugging me? Yes, sometimes. More and more recently. But I'll live through that too, like the past three autumns of being single in Sweden. As well as the saying goes "not alone but lonely" it can also be twisted. Like, "I'm alone but I don't feel lonely". Like alone itself would necessarily be a bad thing. I don't know. I don't know if I'm fighting it or if I make sense. Either or, I have some thinking to do.

Anyway. Will write a little, probably in MacJournal, and then go to bed. Quite tired but head is spinning (not only because of the above) as my friend told me that she ran into my ex at an event Thursday evening. But THAT, I don't feel like talking about.

Also found my long lost W.B Yeats book. I love his poems. Love them. Yes, that is something I will do to re-trace my steps to my path. And read Allen Ginsberg again. Yes.

Good night!

Being ill

Peeps!

I am really really ill! Lying in bed, all covered up, primped up with pillows behind my back... Sweet neighbour friend just came by with a box of Big Pack 3-flavour icecream (yup, childhood memories). I've got tonsillitis, in Swedish referred to as halsfluss. It's really killling me. I can't swallow anything more solid than liquid, crap, even that is hard. I sould like a tortured smurf when I speak..

I would feel sorry for a boyfriend to live with me but yet I wish nothing more right now. Someone to gently stroke my head when I lie in the couch with a fever, someone to make me tea or simply just someone to put a blanket on me when I get the chills from the fever- and then of course- to take it off when I start sweating like a little pig..!

So. Luckily I have McBook Pro to keep me company. I must say he's good at it. I have so far watched three episodes of "Hung" and installed iWorks. I still have to figure out why my Transmission is killing my Firefox, but I'll get there.

I have been surfing around a little, looking for a fake leather jacket. It started off when I saw this gorgeous little MC-jacket in Lindex's shop window. Of course it's all sold out over town, and online too, but I have two friends looking for it in the suburbs this weekend. Then I started surfing around looking at other sites that might have something similar. And now I can't stop!

I have all the time on my hands, I loaded bank account and noone to tell me no. Dangerous!

This is the only thing I've found so far:



I'm just getting started..!

Nope, will go and get a glass of water, drink it through agonizing pain and then perhaps sleep for a little. That icecream just about killed me.

Later!

1st MacBook note

So.. Here I am, tapping away in the dark like a vampire on my new, shiny MacBook Pro! I cannot believe it myself, I'm so happy!

Getting used to it really and truly takes its time, especially since I want to get to know it (him/her.. err) properly. I'm not saying it's easy, and it's not because I'm a PC-user by default, it's just hard that's all.

Could give you thousands of examples already, little quirkiness from both our sides I assume, but I'm so tired I'm almost fainting. It's 1.42 at night, I need to get up and go to work within 5 hrs and I'm just waiting for this little thing to get fully recharged. What I can't understand is how it 15 mins ago read 7 mins until ready and now reads 12 mins.

Aaah, now the green light went off on the chord! Off to bed like a lightning bolt!

Will explore away these coming days, if you can bear with me!

XOXO

A new buddy

Hi all,

feeling like the worst blogger on the planet. And, yes, I am the worst blogger ever!!

I haven't forgotten about you, life just got in the way. And no, still no love life, just a busy life with work, friends, laughter, fashion, food, events.. Ya know.

Blogging quickly before I'm off to bed.

I feel like such a cheater for writing this, on my old friend Fred, but Wednesday evening a new member of my tiny family will see the light of day!

A smashing MacBook Pro! I am so happy, I've wanted this for so long. Fred is still a great companion, although a little old and rusty. So I'll let him live his last days as a retired old man at my parents' house. He'll do good there, he'll assist my Mun when she's typing out all her english-class homework.

I'll really miss him, his loud buzzing, his boiling temperature.. What I probably will miss (seriously) is his crystal clear 15-inch screen. New MacBook is a small 13-inch one, but I think I'll manage.

So, Fred, ol' buddy.
I've had some of my best times with you. You've been good to me, I chose you wisely but all things must end.

MacBook, I welcome you.
Next post I'll make will hopefully be from an Apple.
God knows how I'll make it but I'll give it a go.

Fred, ol' sidekick


MacBook, new buddy

U2 Ultraviolet(Light My Way) at Croke Park first night

The personal highlight of the u2 concert, this particular film is from
the Dublin show, but anyway! My films will probably be uploaded within
these days. Sorry for being such an ambivalent blogger!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yB4DWGvGf4

Sent via my iPhone

Christian Bale

When I was a kid I went to the movies with my mother and saw "Mio min Mio" by Astrid Lindgren. I remember liking the kid that played Mio's friend.

Like a week ago I was drooling over Christian Bale (don't remember exactly why I started this time but he's so hot) and I discovered he actually starred in that movie, as Mio's friend of course! How random is that?

Also, for some giggling, read this online article of newly buffed celebrities! They're all funy but Edward Norton is very very funny! http://www.cracked.com/article_15623_ripped-club-8-non-athletes-whove-gotta-be-on-steroids.html

I have now googled and drooled some more over a picture search.
Enjoy!

Oh my God!

I would love love love to be like this lady when I grow old!!

Imagine me, with silver hair (or raven black as I would be so vain and tint it), semi-flat shoes, a crazy dress and a coat, dog in a leach.. A pug perhaps, or a fat little chiahuahua that would be called as a Roman emperor.

The mere fact that she lives in Paris makes this even more perfect.

Thanks to sartorialist.com for this amazing photo that just made my day (now that Unfatihful has ended..!)

Unfaithful

The best thing just happened to me. After having had pizza, wine and good conversation with Jonna and she left, I switched on the TV to see what was on before settling down with a good movie.

Then, on channel 5 they are showing "Unfaithful", my first Olivier Martinez experience when I was 21 years old. I remember I was in the cinema where I was working at the time, it was a day time screening so almost no one but me in there. And I remember being so taken with him, with her, their intensity and the sizzling sex scenes that almost embarrased me (the screen was so large). And man, those scenes are still sizzling.

Olivier Martinez is such a woman's man, even though he's not your type he still gets to you, especially if you've watched "Unfaithful"! Poor Richard Gere. And Diane Lane is so beautiful and fresh, I am wishing to look as fresh as her when I'm her age!

Little sale update

I sold the shoes, the jumpsuit and the cell phone in just a few days.

If anyone would still be interested in the little box t-shirt..?

Haha.

Jenny sale!

I am selling some things on Blocket.se but I also thought perhaps to post them here..!

LG Viewty KU990 cell-phone, 1000 sek.

Read more about my old lovely 5 mp touchscreen cell at:

http://reviews.cnet.co.uk/mobiles/0,39030106,49292601-1,00.htm
http://www.gsmarena.com/lg_ku990_viewty-review-167.php

Mine has been used and handled with great love and care. A little scratch on the display and some minor bumps and scratches on the edges of the cell. Nothing serious. Comes with the box and all original accessories such as handsfree/earphones, USB cable and charger.


Minimarket top Box, size XS, 450 sek.

White Japanese cotton fabric with neon pilling. Short box style, one pocket on front.
Measures 60 cm width, 45 cm length neckline to waist.

Never worn but just washed after some time hanging in the closet.
Original price ca. 850 sek.


Office ankleboots size 40, 450 sek.

Have been used once for a fashion shoot.
Too large for me but I was planning on using an insole. Didn't work unfortunately..
Orginal price £80 (930 sek).

Beige leather and light beige canvas.

3 cm platform sole, 14,5 cm heel.

Vero Moda jumpsuit size S, 200 sek.

Sold out after a day in Stockholm stores.

Length 117 cm from chestline to ankle.
Width 29 cm chestline. Very elastic bandeau-style top part.
Original price 259 sek. Used once.



If you like any of the stuff, just send me a message!
I can check for safest and cheapest postal service for whoever decides to buy!

Tootles!

My new drawing!

I just treated myself to a drawing to hang on my wall!

I am very happy, although it was not at all what I had in mind when I started to browse for paintings. I thought perhaps a Rothko, or perhaps Cassandre..
But nope!

A plain little drawing with coffee stains on it!

What do you think?
Courtesy of www.allposters.com

The sleepiest cat in the world!

My Jacket Little!

This was taken in the elevator in my building, hence the fenced
sliding door.

The jacket is beige/camel although here it looks almost light pink!

Minimarket, I love you

Last night after work I was invited to the Minimarket sale in their
office. It officially starts today but as a friend I could bargain one
day earlier.

I didn't expect much but it was crazy!! So much stuff I had to make a
selection of where to start looking and I immediately spotted some
camel coloured wool. The Jacket Little from AW08 is MINE now!! I have
loved it since I worked with it over a year ago, I just forgot about it!

Same thing with a long-sleeved black shirt with a stitched-on satin
vest inside. I will wear it like a jacket and I plan on doing so all
summer! It's perfect and yet another long-lost love of mine.

Tonight I will see Ante after work. I have missed him dearly, we have
a lot of catching up to do!

Sunday is Jonna day, she returned last night from Paris and I am
excited to hear all about it!

I hope your day will be wonderful!

Tootles!

Let's see how this mobile blogging works! Keeping my fingers crossed,
it would enable me to blog casually on a daily basis, ideally!

Also, promise to update soon. Have been way too busy working and
playing with iPhone!

Skickat från min iPhone

U2 at Letterman Show Friday March 6th

U2 at Letterman Show Thursday March 5th

U2 at Letterman Show Wednesday March 4th

Photos from Florence

Flying over the Italian Alps. Always so beautiful, I love taking photos when I'm flying!

Finally arrived in Florence. Outside Natalia's house.
Travelled quite light, did my best to pack but I did in the middle of the night so I had no clue really what I put in that little suitcase.

In PIazza Signoria, in the heart of Firenze.
Was so delighted to be back, we had lunch at La Posta, my favourite hang-out!

The evening after we were invited to a dinner in San Casciano in the countryside.
Here is Natalia with her friend Hana.

All the good food we could eat. Salumi, risotto, pasta bolognese, salad..! Lots of wine.

Nati and me by the huge fireplace.

Natalia and Andrea did their best to get me drunk so I would come out with them after the dinner!

Before leaving the house to go to Colle Bereto.
Myself, Andrea, Natalia and Hana!

Hana, Melina and myself.
Both girls are great, Melina is wild and lots of fun, we hit it off straight away!

With Jennifer and Nicola at Colle Bereto. Jennifer is Natalia's friend, and Nicola is Jennifer's boyfriend.
Great great people, lots of fun.
I made many new great friends this trip!

Natalia, Gerardo and myself.
Gerardo is crazy, he has the confidence of a male supermodel.
Funny but not so nice if you catch his attention, he's hard to shake off (you face)!

This guy the girls call "the little Lord", he's half Brittish and half Italian, such a gentleman!
I really fancied him although in reality he's a little short.
At first sight it struck me how similar he is to Chris O'Donnell.
I like Chris O'Donnell!

Natalia and myself in Nicola's car.
I love this photo, we had the best time in the back seat!
On our way to the night club Full Up.

We went for aperitivo Tuesday evening, at OÈ, a Japanese style restaurant.
Ok food but the best part was the downstairs smoking lounge.

Wednesday I met Victoria for a coffee at my old University café at Via Alfani.
Then we biked off to her place for lunch, spaghetti with tuna tomato sauce, really good!

In the evening Vicky came over to our place to go out.
Here we are posing the kitchen, next to Audrey on the cover of Vogue!

On our way to Open Bar, Karin and myself are posing next to the glow-in-the-dark-policemen at Ponte Vecchio.



The vodka at Slowly.
It was by Roberto Cavalli but I'm not sure it tasted greater than any other I have tasted?
The display was really pretty though!

Next to Ponte Santa Trinità with Ponte Vecchio in the back, going for a drink at Nove to hear my old Gucci colleague Gianni spin records.
We met up with my other Gucci friends Alessandro and Pedro.
Nice wine but no food.

After Nove we met up with Alexandra at Colle Bereto (again).
Had more drinks and then went upstairs quickly.
Alex had just been to the hairdresser to get highlights, so we had to show her new hair off!

The night of the big party at Casa Sweden!
Here, Sofia and myself are preparing dinner in the kitchen!

Here Natalia and I are posing.
She had planned the party very precisely, I might hire her services the next time I need to throw a big-ass party! Kudos for all the Italian men showing up, haha!

Karin and Sofia enjoying the food (pasta with ricotta tomato sauce) and wine!

Natalia posing with Hanna!
So nice to meet up with long-lost friends from the past!

Cuddling with Vicky, one of my closest friends in Florence.
I miss her so much but at least I had the time to see her, her new apartment and her boyfriend (fiancé!).

Getting cosy with Hanna!

Toasting with prosecco brought to us by a girl from that precise area of Italy!
It was sooo good!

Alexandra and Natalia enjoying the prosecco in the kitchen!

I found Jennifer in the big crowd.
Thanked her and Nicola for last week at Colle and Full Up, I had such a great time.

After that I don't remember that much of the evening. When the others left to go clubbing, myself, Natalia and Alexandra stayed in to clean up the mess. When Karin and Sofia returned home at 5 a.m. the house was so clean they said it was like it never happened. Haha!

With Karin at La Posta before leaving for the airport.
I had a tuna salad the size of my head, didn't want to risk a tummy ache with some bresaola (like Karin had) even though I love it.