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A close friend once said to me "Your search to define who you are has become an essential part of who you are". So therefore I will not introduce myself, not being quite sure yet. If you are reading this you are probably close to me and know me well already.


Lindex leather jacket and finding my way back home

My friends never succeeded in finding that jacket in my size, only large sizes left. Too bad, it is so nice! I'm guessing the fashion bloggers are to blame, if one of them hypes an item it will be sold out in no time. And me, not too active in that area, trying to find my own golden items, gets totally left without! Well, sorry for not being such an active reader of Swedish teen-bop fashion blogs!! Argh. Really just disappointed, it looks so nice and was so cheap!

While they've been running about town doing my dirty errands (I wish, it wasn't really like that at all..) I've been lying on the couch sweating, freezing, sipping soup and tea and fantisizing of junk food to eat. Still ill and getting quite bored of it. Did some cleaning up today, so I can at least feel yukky in a clean apartment. It made me feel a little better actually.

Perhaps I should take a photo or two to show my dear readers (if there are any still out there) what my apartment looks like? Would that be fun?

Hmm. Anyway, getting more and more childishly pleased with my new MacBook Pro! I have gotten MacJournal Trial, ViJournal Lite and MiLife (shareware) and I am trying to compare them. So far, I am not at all impressed with.. ViJournal at all. Boring interface and no real functions. When I tried pasting a photo it filled up the whole screen and there was no way of adjusting the size. Things like that would bug me if I depended my daily life on it.

See, I figured I need to get back on track again, re-figuring out who I am. Not that I feel lost or anything, I just lost a little bit of track recently. A little bit of direction, motivation, purpose. Perhaps it has some to do with the fact that two close friends have been a little down recently. Of course it affects me and the questions they pose themselves, their doubts and worries sometimes gets to me too. Not that I feel attacked, no, more that I start pondering myself. Also, posing the question why I seem to have my act together and not get sad. What do I do to get by? Do I get by? Really? And there we go. It's not anything major, I am still happy, calm and I have no issues (other than being ill and hating it). I have things to look forward to the coming month, I have a great loving family, wonderful friends, a job I love coming to every morning, a home I love returning to every evening..! Is the loneliness bugging me? Yes, sometimes. More and more recently. But I'll live through that too, like the past three autumns of being single in Sweden. As well as the saying goes "not alone but lonely" it can also be twisted. Like, "I'm alone but I don't feel lonely". Like alone itself would necessarily be a bad thing. I don't know. I don't know if I'm fighting it or if I make sense. Either or, I have some thinking to do.

Anyway. Will write a little, probably in MacJournal, and then go to bed. Quite tired but head is spinning (not only because of the above) as my friend told me that she ran into my ex at an event Thursday evening. But THAT, I don't feel like talking about.

Also found my long lost W.B Yeats book. I love his poems. Love them. Yes, that is something I will do to re-trace my steps to my path. And read Allen Ginsberg again. Yes.

Good night!

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