A friend shared this song with me a couple of days ago. She said she'd thought of me.

I absolutely love it but I can't stop listening to it now.

Bracelets!

Look at these lovely stud bracelets I got the other day! Gold and silver studs and snap buttons! They come in five different colours but I had a hard time finding any as they were almost sold out already!

Only 1,95 Euro, at an H&M Kids' department near you!

Time heals all wounds?

My MacBook Pro needed service so I had to leave him away to the Apple
people. I realize how incredibly addicted I am to it, how my entired
private life is revolving around it. Shows, movies, music, social
life, blogs, inspiration..

Anyways.

My latest fling turned out to be another disappointment. Almost three
weeks without a word have passed and not a day goes by without my
wondering of his whereabouts. In a way this has been more difficult
for me to accept, especially given the fact that we live in the same
city.

I know I am blessed in the sense that I've never had to experience a
broken heart or rejection like this earlier. For being almost 29 years
old I think that is good statistics. Also, the broken heart I did
experience this December was due partially to the fact that we live in
different countries and that the guy panicked. Not a good excuse but
an explanation as good as any (although of course there's more to it
than that).

THIS on the other hand is just plain weird. I refuse to give in to the
common idea that men are idiots, for some reason it doesn't simplify
the rejection itself.

I am tired of being helped back up my feet just to fall flat on my
face again. I need to be able to get back up myself.

I am so tired I want to cry and then sleep for a whole consecutive
month. Heal heart, please heal.

What are you up to?

Sent via my iPhone

Butterflies

I think I can feel them. Or, I can feel them. I just try not to acknowledge their presence, I am so scared I will let go and be all vulnerable again.

I did learn alot from my broken heart experience. I learned that life is too short not to enjoy every word, every look, every smile shared together with someone special. I learned to open up to new experiences and new feelings. This "grown-up-love" is a new feeling to me, I still want the still chaos but I also want something to build on. I learned to put alot of personal crap aside to be with someone although it never worked out. I learned that sad songs mend a broken heart. I learned that with time, all sadness passes. And I think I'm ready now. I think I took whatever positive lessons from this and I can cherish them and use them in my life. I learned that not only will wonderful people enter your life if you let them, but you will also be seen in a different light, be appreciated for something no one else has not yet seen in you. I learned that there is not only one type of person for you. That there is not just one way to walk.

And even though this might not turn out to be anything durable I will always appreciate also this experience. Meeting someone new and realizing small flaws only add to the perfection of that person.

He sees me and I hope he will continue to want to see me, for who I am and for who I can be. The one person I really miss right now, the one person I hope I will go to bed with for many nights to come in my life.

Will keep you posted. For now, this is all I dare to say. And it's already a whole lot..!

Back on my feet

Getting back to life again. I cannot believe only a month has passed
since I was in Florence and got my heart broken into a million little
pieces.

A new year, a new decade, might have been exactly what I needed to put
it all back into place.

One quick try with a certain "restaurant hip hopper" did make me lose
direction briefly. Out of many things it made me realize that his
presence only made me feel more lonely. So I ended it then and there.
Didn't want him wasting his time, I couldn't feel a thing.

But now, perhaps I've met a person who actually has made me make the
past a past, with him I feel new again. Who knows, maybe he'll turn
out to be nothing more than a wonderful rebound, but so be it!

On my way home now, left work early since I feel a fever coming on. I
had a dinner date planned (with this certain person) but I just heard
from him, he's also coming down with something so perhaps we'll be ill
together, just watch a movie or so.

Fingers crossed I'll feel better after a couple of hours of sleep! I
really want to see him!

Sent via my iPhone

Broken-hearted girl

Getting by, taking it little by little.
It's the only thing I can't really talk about anymore but the only thing on my mind for the last month.

I thought it would get easier with time but now I'm relapsing and I'm back there, with all the questions unanswered and just a silence to talk to.

I'll let Tiziano Ferro speak my mind. This song here below, "Il regalo più grande" was actually dedicated to me by him. I never really listened to it then, I think I was scared of what it might have said. And now it's too late and those words hurt even more because they meant something to him.



Il Regalo Più Grande
The Greatest Gift

Voglio farti un regalo
I want to get you a gift
Qualcosa di dolce, qualcosa di raro
Something sweet, something rare
Non un comune regalo
Not a common gift
Di quelli che hai perso, o mai aperto
Like those that you've lost, or never opened
O lasciato in treno, o mai accettato
Or left in the train, or never accepted
Di quelli che apri e poi piangi
But those that you open and then you cry
Che sei contenta e non fingi
And you're happy and not pretending
In questo giorno di metà settembre
On this day in mid-September
Ti dedicherò il regalo mio più grande
I will devote to you, my greatest gift

Vorrei donare il tuo sorriso alla luna perché
I want to give your smile to the moon so that
Di notte chi la guarda possa pensare a te
At night whoever sees it can think of you
Per ricordarti che il mio amore è importante
To remind you that my love is important
Che non importa ciò che dice la gente
And that it doesn't matter what people say
Perché tu mi hai protetto con la tua gelosia che anche
Because you've protected me with your jealousy and
Che molto stanco il tuo sorriso non andava via
When very tired your smile did not go away
Devo partire però se ho nel cuore
I have to leave but if I know in my heart
La tua presenza è sempre arrivo e mai partenza
That your presence is always an arrival and never a departure
Il regalo mio più grande
My greatest gift
Il regalo mio più grande
My greatest gift

Vorrei mi facessi un regalo
I want you to get me a gift
Un sogno inespresso, donarmelo adesso
An unvoiced dream, now given to me
Di quelli che non so aprire
One that I know not to open
Di fronte ad altra gente
In front of other people
Perché il regalo più grande
Because the greatest gift
È solo nostro per sempre
is only our forever

Vorrei donare il tuo sorriso alla luna perché
I want to give your smile to the moon so that
Di notte chi la guarda possa pensare a te
At night whoever sees it can think of you
Per ricordarti che il mio amore è importante
To remind you that my love is important
Che non importa ciò che dice la gente
And that it doesn't matter what people say
Perché tu mi hai protetto con la tua gelosia che anche
Because you've protected me with your jealousy and
Che molto stanco il tuo sorriso non andava via
When very tired your smile did not go away
Devo partire però se ho nel cuore
I have to leave but if I know in my heart
La tua presenza è sempre arrivo e mai...
That your presence is always an arrival and never...

E se arrivasse ora la fine che sia in un burrone
And if the end arrived now, let it be in a canyon
Non per volermi odiare solo per voler volare
Not for you to hate me, only because I want to fly
E se ti nega tutto questa estrema agonia
And if this extreme agony denies you everything
E se ti nega anche la vita respira la mia
And if it also denies you life itself, breathe mine
E stavo attento a non amare prima di incontrarti
I was careful not to love before I met you
E confondevo la mia vita con quella degli altri
And confused my life with that of another
Non voglio farmi più del male adesso
I don't want to hurt myself anymore
Amore, amore
Love, love

Vorrei donare il tuo sorriso alla luna perché
I want to give your smile to the moon so that
Di notte chi la guarda possa pensare a te
At night whoever sees it can think of you
Per ricordarti che il mio amore è importante
To remind you that my love is important
Che non importa ciò che dice la gente
And that it doesn't matter what people say
E poi
And then
L'amore dato amore preso amore mai reso
The love given, love taken, love never returned
Amore grande come il tempo che non si è arreso
Love so great like time that has never surrendered
Amore che mi parla coi tuoi occhi qui di fronte
Love that speaks with your eyes here facing me

Sei tu sei tu sei tu sei tu sei tu
It's you, it's you, it's you, it's you, it's you
Il regalo mio più grande
My greatest gift

Dramatic, right? It speaks right to me in so many ways, I don't know what to do with all of this sadness.

Happy New Year!

Suffering..

...from a broken heart.

The first time ever. Will it ever pass?

If so, I will let you know.


"Oh Lordy, don't leave me, all by myself.."