When you least expect it

The garlic in the pocket can be explained but won't.. Let's just say it's not his.

Ok, so, tried not to start this post with a photo but somehow I can't manage to get space inbetween the photo and the upper edge...

Just a quick post to tell you I'm well and still alive...

Still a sales merchandiser in Rome, Italy and still loving it. Living it up all over Italy and sometimes also abroad.

One of those abroad trips actually led to something very nice. Still so fresh and just a fling, but still adorable. And he makes me smile.

While I was taking pictures of this...

 He took pictures of me...

What did I just say? Adorable.

The Florentine wedding bliss

Ceremony at Palazzo Vecchio in Florence, held by the Florentine mayor. Rice throwing and cheering in Piazza della Signoria. Reception dinner and party in the Tuscan countryside. A six-course rustic dinner and locally produced wine while looking over the green hills, then on for dancing until the sun rose again.

Fantastic.

All I can conclude from my last attempt of meeting someone good, nice, sweet, caring and normal is...
..
..Never, I mean, never, date an architect.
When things go bad the whole city he's working in is a minefield of emotions. Just seeing one of his buildings, or one that reminds you of one he's done, makes you want to quit it all.
Paranoid perhaps, but today they were taunting me. And I felt silly.

It wasn't worth it. Those initial sweet moments that I wanted could last forever, they only make me feel even more stupid, even more silly and they make me question everything.

And now, when I try to get myself back up again he sweeps right in and shits all over what's left of me.

Mostly, I'm disappointed in myself for being so sweeped off my feet.

This one will take time to bounce back from. But I know that once I do, I'll be stronger than before.

Wild hearts..

He has updated his Facebook status for the first time since the end of November- just days before the nightmare began. Two days ago he wrote " Sono l'uomo più fortunato al mondo" which means "I'm the luckiest guy in the world". I wanted to vomit. I know he moved on and that I am just a fading bad memory he'd wish to erase. But still.

When is it enough for two people not to be friends anymore? How much does it need to hurt?

Just waiting for my latest broken heart to heal, just waiting for that day when it will stop hurting, when my heart won't skip a beat when I get a text message. I don't think I was well enough to meet someone new, and especially not ready to have my heart broken a second time.

A friend shared this song with me a couple of days ago. She said she'd thought of me.

I absolutely love it but I can't stop listening to it now.

A new buddy

Hi all,

feeling like the worst blogger on the planet. And, yes, I am the worst blogger ever!!

I haven't forgotten about you, life just got in the way. And no, still no love life, just a busy life with work, friends, laughter, fashion, food, events.. Ya know.

Blogging quickly before I'm off to bed.

I feel like such a cheater for writing this, on my old friend Fred, but Wednesday evening a new member of my tiny family will see the light of day!

A smashing MacBook Pro! I am so happy, I've wanted this for so long. Fred is still a great companion, although a little old and rusty. So I'll let him live his last days as a retired old man at my parents' house. He'll do good there, he'll assist my Mun when she's typing out all her english-class homework.

I'll really miss him, his loud buzzing, his boiling temperature.. What I probably will miss (seriously) is his crystal clear 15-inch screen. New MacBook is a small 13-inch one, but I think I'll manage.

So, Fred, ol' buddy.
I've had some of my best times with you. You've been good to me, I chose you wisely but all things must end.

MacBook, I welcome you.
Next post I'll make will hopefully be from an Apple.
God knows how I'll make it but I'll give it a go.

Fred, ol' sidekick


MacBook, new buddy

Adam Clayton, I love you

My love in the car

http://media.u2.com/flash/highlights/nicedrive.swf

This might not be entertaining for anyone else but me, watching my darling drive to Bono's house.

I wish I was there, sitting next to him.

My first reflection though, was that he looks like a mix of my friend Bruce and George Clooney.
Not necessarily a bad thing, although I would tell him to take that golden Rolex off.

Adam Clayton

My future husband and the father of my unborn children is single again!!

After having seen U23D and being all in love again, I Googled him and found out he has broken up with his long-term girlfriend.

I am now planning to go on vacation whenever the world tour is beginning, always being there in the front by his side at every gig.

He's all I've ever thought I'd wanted. And more.

Yay!

All work and no play..

..Makes Jenny a sad girl.

Work is slowly killing me. Not that I am complaining, I am lucky to have a job. It's just that I realize I haven't seen any of my friends for the last two weeks.

Have just watched Gossip Girl and Lipstick Jungle. Realizing more and more that I need to be in a place that gives me energy, not just taking it. I need to be in a thriving and beating place, where anything is possible.
The rest would be up to me.

And here I am, in a place where it's all up to me, all the time. If you want something, make it happen, goes the saying. Why can't it just happen?

And I know some of you might be delighted to read this, but this loneliness is slowly getting to me. Now it's the time for curling up in bed with someone and I just can't seem to find this person to just hold my head when I'm falling aslep on the nightbus, that person that pulls me back into bed when it's time to get up. And I hate myself for saying it, since I'm not that needy person, but I kind of want that.

If it doesn't happen very soon I will turn bitter and I don't want to.

Love love love was all over the place in Lipstick Jungle.
Inspiring but also completely exhausting.

I have a pile of old photos on my table, I need to reframe them and put them up on a wall. I flicked through them and I realized it was a very long time since I was smiling like that. Surrounded by the people I love in a place I came to call my home.

Florence has never seemed so far away. I miss it dearly.

Goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite!

Next time I'll be cheerier. Dealing with fashion for a living makes me very unfashionable in my spare time. I'll get back to it, I promise.

Once upon a time..
..there was a girl..
..that never was lonely..
..nor bored..
..'cause she was living her life like this..
..every evening of the week!

Wouldn't that be something

Hey all,

forgot to mention that I listened to Bruce all the way back home.

Realized that all I want is to love and to be loved like a Springsteen song.

Nothing could be more beautiful than that.

After my heart turned cold again..

..He did write me, a couple of hours ago. Not Fabri Fibra, the other italian man I just gave up hope on.

He wrote me on Facebook, like always. After two weeks of complete silence. The bastard. After saying how he didn't want to lose me a second time. The bastard. He said he was sorry for not writing sooner but he's in a bit of a down period. Yeah, well, it's too late. I can't have people showing up in my life after two years, making a mess and then leaving without a word.

Today is his birthday and all I can do is not congratulate him. It's so hard to play this game. The activity of NOT doing something, like not responding on his message, is harder than to actually just do it. Like quitting smoking. To actively choose not to do something. Gaah.

For those of you who wonder..

..He hasn't replied yet. Buhu.

And I'm almost drunk on Leva Rosé wine. Alone. Buhu again.

Pick up, I know you're there..

My friend just texted me what supposedly is Fabri Fibra's cell phone number. He was on Mtv and he gave it out and she got on the phone and texted it to me.

Now let's see if he responds. I texted him, inviting him to Stockholm. Why bother playing hard-to-get when all I want is to have him in my bed-NOW.

The worst thing that could happen is probably if Mario, Luigi, Fabio, Marcello, Massimo, Leonardo etc from the Mtv backstage crew calls me from Arlanda tomorrow.. Whatever. At least they're italian.

"..Yes hi, you said I could stop by anytime..?"

Walk tall.. Or baby don't walk at all..

I found a live version for you. Enjoy.

It's filmed off a concert screen in New Jersey in 1999, and the colours are a bit off. Don't think that will bother you much though.

Heartbroken

So many things can make me sad.

Rinht now it's listening to "Irreplaceable" with Beyoncé. It brings back such memories of Borås (yes, always the same damn town) and a certain boy that we called Pedro. He was the one person that "got away" since I've grown old. He was the love of my adult life. He was everything I thought I'd ever wanted, no more. He was everything I DIDN'T KNOW I wanted. For a while he was all I needed. I breathed this existence, if that makes sense. When he'd been in my bed I never wanted to change sheets. I wanted to inhale him for the rest of my life, that's how in love I was. Or thought I was, since it didn't last.


He moved on and I was alone again. That's where the madness started for me. Not because of him, but after him.

And I hate being so melancholic, I hate it.

I saw my friends today after work and we touched the subject, my melancholy. And then the brain takes off.. Why I'm never happy, I'm always going places.. I just want to find my way home. And I don't know where that is.

Home is where the heart is, as my tattoo symbolizes. Well, my heart is growing colder and colder.

Whenever I feel this way I listen to (I know it's cheesy, don't tell me) The Killers "Read my mind". It makes me remember how badly I want to leave and that there's more to life than this. That I can always take off again. That I'm better than this. That there's more to life than this.

No one seems to understand that my settling down here is a step closer to leaving.

Late night thoughts

Today I was having coffee with close friends. It was a lazy day in the sun, a bit slow since we were out last night at Ljunggrens and Debaser .
No eventful evening of any sort, just general people spotting and drinking.
Lots of beautiful people out but no one for me.

It bores me, trying to find that perfect one in a bar in midst of a thousand others. Everyone so self occupied and self aware.. Me, of course, one of them, I'm not saying I'm any better. But, I mean, if you do end up with someone, talking the night away, then what? Morning comes and the beauty and excitement from last night fades away. How could we possibly meet "the one" in a crowded bar, alcohol involved, loud music playing? The meat market has never felt so cheap, so close and yet so distant.

When we were sunbathing by the water outside my house Saturday, two guys in their late 20's came and lay down close to us and started chatting with each other.
We couldn't help but overhear their conversation, also because they were talking pretty loudly. One was pretty normal looking and one a little better looking. Number one never really said that much, mostly it was number two doing all the talking. They chatted away about girls and clubs and last night and so on. Then number two said, stating what he apparently thought was an obvious thing;
"It's much better to go for the ugly ones, it's much easier".
I was so provoked, not so much for him being a complete asshole and all, but for how he could live with himself always sleeping with girls he finds ugly? I have a suspicion he has never been in love. So, that also added to my somewhat jaded excitement of meeting someone out in a bar.
It's ugly, the Swedish meat market.

I did meet a couple of french Canadians, they were much fun to talk to. I wish I had been better with my french, it could've been cool to speak some.

Speaking of France, tomorrow Jonna is booking the tickets for Paris! I am thrilled, we'll be away for a long weekend in the end of August and we only want to go to stores, take long walks, eat good food and drink good wine! Since I was there recently and Jonna's been there too, there is no need to go sightseeing and since we're both old ladies we don't look for cool clubs and fancy discos.. It'll be great.

Will go to bed soon. I have spent this Sunday evening on the couch, watching the first season of Californication and doing laundry. Now I have wet laundry drying all over the place and no bed sheets.. Shit. These next two weeks will be heavy since my buyer is off on vacation and I am left alone with all. Thrilled but nervous. Good thing there is no more bus strike, it made my mornings so hectic!

I have to get my head around this whole love thing.
I know so many of my friends are looking actively for it, longing to find The One.
I also want to find The One, settle down and make babies for the rest of my life, but at the same time I am so happy with being on my own, deciding every little thing on my own! Am I the unnormal one?
Should I feel stressed and unhappy and half since I am alone (bullshit, I am surrounded by good people) or should I be satisfied and a little snug since I am satisfied like this? AM I SATISIFIED LIKE THIS? I don't know. The loneliness and the restlessness creeps up on me when I least expect it but I don't suffer from it the way I see so many others do.

I think in time all of that love stuff will come. No stress, just making the best out of these years that supposedly are the best of our lives.
I know I'm a good girl, I know I'll get to that place later in life.
It does work out for the best, and I know that there are happy endings.

When I meet him, I hope I'll just know.

Nighty night.