Hi all,
I am truly sorry for my lack of posts since July. I know it's been two months of silence.
Well, let me tell you; so much has been going on. Work, as always, super hectic and super much. Plus, vacation times, change of seasons (fashionally speaking), after summer stress, autumn cold and a certain gloominess... Plus, I have started looking for a new place to live as my neighbours are driving me insane. So, I am actually looking forward to counting in 2012 in a new apartment with Ikea boxes all around me! Keep your fingers crossed, I might just have found the place!
Will keep you posted. I promise you. I will update and tell you all. Right now, I need to sleep as I had a meltdown at work today after suffering this cold for weeks. Left early and tucked myself underneath the sheets for the rest of the day.
Good night!
Visar inlägg med etikett Bad Life. Visa alla inlägg
Visar inlägg med etikett Bad Life. Visa alla inlägg
2011/10/18
Bad conscience
2010/03/15
All I can conclude from my last attempt of meeting someone good, nice, sweet, caring and normal is...
..
..Never, I mean, never, date an architect.
When things go bad the whole city he's working in is a minefield of emotions. Just seeing one of his buildings, or one that reminds you of one he's done, makes you want to quit it all.
Paranoid perhaps, but today they were taunting me. And I felt silly.
It wasn't worth it. Those initial sweet moments that I wanted could last forever, they only make me feel even more stupid, even more silly and they make me question everything.
And now, when I try to get myself back up again he sweeps right in and shits all over what's left of me.
Mostly, I'm disappointed in myself for being so sweeped off my feet.
This one will take time to bounce back from. But I know that once I do, I'll be stronger than before.
..
..Never, I mean, never, date an architect.
When things go bad the whole city he's working in is a minefield of emotions. Just seeing one of his buildings, or one that reminds you of one he's done, makes you want to quit it all.
Paranoid perhaps, but today they were taunting me. And I felt silly.
It wasn't worth it. Those initial sweet moments that I wanted could last forever, they only make me feel even more stupid, even more silly and they make me question everything.
And now, when I try to get myself back up again he sweeps right in and shits all over what's left of me.
Mostly, I'm disappointed in myself for being so sweeped off my feet.
This one will take time to bounce back from. But I know that once I do, I'll be stronger than before.
2010/02/15
2009/09/26
Being ill
Peeps!
I am really really ill! Lying in bed, all covered up, primped up with pillows behind my back... Sweet neighbour friend just came by with a box of Big Pack 3-flavour icecream (yup, childhood memories). I've got tonsillitis, in Swedish referred to as halsfluss. It's really killling me. I can't swallow anything more solid than liquid, crap, even that is hard. I sould like a tortured smurf when I speak..
I would feel sorry for a boyfriend to live with me but yet I wish nothing more right now. Someone to gently stroke my head when I lie in the couch with a fever, someone to make me tea or simply just someone to put a blanket on me when I get the chills from the fever- and then of course- to take it off when I start sweating like a little pig..!
So. Luckily I have McBook Pro to keep me company. I must say he's good at it. I have so far watched three episodes of "Hung" and installed iWorks. I still have to figure out why my Transmission is killing my Firefox, but I'll get there.
I have been surfing around a little, looking for a fake leather jacket. It started off when I saw this gorgeous little MC-jacket in Lindex's shop window. Of course it's all sold out over town, and online too, but I have two friends looking for it in the suburbs this weekend. Then I started surfing around looking at other sites that might have something similar. And now I can't stop!
I have all the time on my hands, I loaded bank account and noone to tell me no. Dangerous!
This is the only thing I've found so far:
I'm just getting started..!
Nope, will go and get a glass of water, drink it through agonizing pain and then perhaps sleep for a little. That icecream just about killed me.
Later!
I am really really ill! Lying in bed, all covered up, primped up with pillows behind my back... Sweet neighbour friend just came by with a box of Big Pack 3-flavour icecream (yup, childhood memories). I've got tonsillitis, in Swedish referred to as halsfluss. It's really killling me. I can't swallow anything more solid than liquid, crap, even that is hard. I sould like a tortured smurf when I speak..
I would feel sorry for a boyfriend to live with me but yet I wish nothing more right now. Someone to gently stroke my head when I lie in the couch with a fever, someone to make me tea or simply just someone to put a blanket on me when I get the chills from the fever- and then of course- to take it off when I start sweating like a little pig..!
So. Luckily I have McBook Pro to keep me company. I must say he's good at it. I have so far watched three episodes of "Hung" and installed iWorks. I still have to figure out why my Transmission is killing my Firefox, but I'll get there.
I have been surfing around a little, looking for a fake leather jacket. It started off when I saw this gorgeous little MC-jacket in Lindex's shop window. Of course it's all sold out over town, and online too, but I have two friends looking for it in the suburbs this weekend. Then I started surfing around looking at other sites that might have something similar. And now I can't stop!
I have all the time on my hands, I loaded bank account and noone to tell me no. Dangerous!
This is the only thing I've found so far:
I'm just getting started..!
Nope, will go and get a glass of water, drink it through agonizing pain and then perhaps sleep for a little. That icecream just about killed me.
Later!
2008/11/12
All work and no play..
..Makes Jenny a sad girl.
Work is slowly killing me. Not that I am complaining, I am lucky to have a job. It's just that I realize I haven't seen any of my friends for the last two weeks.
Have just watched Gossip Girl and Lipstick Jungle. Realizing more and more that I need to be in a place that gives me energy, not just taking it. I need to be in a thriving and beating place, where anything is possible.
The rest would be up to me.
And here I am, in a place where it's all up to me, all the time. If you want something, make it happen, goes the saying. Why can't it just happen?
And I know some of you might be delighted to read this, but this loneliness is slowly getting to me. Now it's the time for curling up in bed with someone and I just can't seem to find this person to just hold my head when I'm falling aslep on the nightbus, that person that pulls me back into bed when it's time to get up. And I hate myself for saying it, since I'm not that needy person, but I kind of want that.
If it doesn't happen very soon I will turn bitter and I don't want to.
Love love love was all over the place in Lipstick Jungle.
Inspiring but also completely exhausting.
I have a pile of old photos on my table, I need to reframe them and put them up on a wall. I flicked through them and I realized it was a very long time since I was smiling like that. Surrounded by the people I love in a place I came to call my home.
Florence has never seemed so far away. I miss it dearly.
Goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite!
Next time I'll be cheerier. Dealing with fashion for a living makes me very unfashionable in my spare time. I'll get back to it, I promise.
Once upon a time..
..there was a girl..
..that never was lonely..
..nor bored..
..'cause she was living her life like this..
..every evening of the week!
Work is slowly killing me. Not that I am complaining, I am lucky to have a job. It's just that I realize I haven't seen any of my friends for the last two weeks.
Have just watched Gossip Girl and Lipstick Jungle. Realizing more and more that I need to be in a place that gives me energy, not just taking it. I need to be in a thriving and beating place, where anything is possible.
The rest would be up to me.
And here I am, in a place where it's all up to me, all the time. If you want something, make it happen, goes the saying. Why can't it just happen?
And I know some of you might be delighted to read this, but this loneliness is slowly getting to me. Now it's the time for curling up in bed with someone and I just can't seem to find this person to just hold my head when I'm falling aslep on the nightbus, that person that pulls me back into bed when it's time to get up. And I hate myself for saying it, since I'm not that needy person, but I kind of want that.
If it doesn't happen very soon I will turn bitter and I don't want to.
Love love love was all over the place in Lipstick Jungle.
Inspiring but also completely exhausting.
I have a pile of old photos on my table, I need to reframe them and put them up on a wall. I flicked through them and I realized it was a very long time since I was smiling like that. Surrounded by the people I love in a place I came to call my home.
Florence has never seemed so far away. I miss it dearly.
Goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite!
Next time I'll be cheerier. Dealing with fashion for a living makes me very unfashionable in my spare time. I'll get back to it, I promise.
Once upon a time..
..there was a girl..
..that never was lonely..
..nor bored..
..'cause she was living her life like this..
..every evening of the week!2008/07/19
After my heart turned cold again..
..He did write me, a couple of hours ago. Not Fabri Fibra, the other italian man I just gave up hope on.
He wrote me on Facebook, like always. After two weeks of complete silence. The bastard. After saying how he didn't want to lose me a second time. The bastard. He said he was sorry for not writing sooner but he's in a bit of a down period. Yeah, well, it's too late. I can't have people showing up in my life after two years, making a mess and then leaving without a word.
Today is his birthday and all I can do is not congratulate him. It's so hard to play this game. The activity of NOT doing something, like not responding on his message, is harder than to actually just do it. Like quitting smoking. To actively choose not to do something. Gaah.
He wrote me on Facebook, like always. After two weeks of complete silence. The bastard. After saying how he didn't want to lose me a second time. The bastard. He said he was sorry for not writing sooner but he's in a bit of a down period. Yeah, well, it's too late. I can't have people showing up in my life after two years, making a mess and then leaving without a word.
Today is his birthday and all I can do is not congratulate him. It's so hard to play this game. The activity of NOT doing something, like not responding on his message, is harder than to actually just do it. Like quitting smoking. To actively choose not to do something. Gaah.
2008/07/12
Heartbroken
So many things can make me sad.
Rinht now it's listening to "Irreplaceable" with Beyoncé. It brings back such memories of Borås (yes, always the same damn town) and a certain boy that we called Pedro. He was the one person that "got away" since I've grown old. He was the love of my adult life. He was everything I thought I'd ever wanted, no more. He was everything I DIDN'T KNOW I wanted. For a while he was all I needed. I breathed this existence, if that makes sense. When he'd been in my bed I never wanted to change sheets. I wanted to inhale him for the rest of my life, that's how in love I was. Or thought I was, since it didn't last.
He moved on and I was alone again. That's where the madness started for me. Not because of him, but after him.
And I hate being so melancholic, I hate it.
I saw my friends today after work and we touched the subject, my melancholy. And then the brain takes off.. Why I'm never happy, I'm always going places.. I just want to find my way home. And I don't know where that is.
Home is where the heart is, as my tattoo symbolizes. Well, my heart is growing colder and colder.
Whenever I feel this way I listen to (I know it's cheesy, don't tell me) The Killers "Read my mind". It makes me remember how badly I want to leave and that there's more to life than this. That I can always take off again. That I'm better than this. That there's more to life than this.
No one seems to understand that my settling down here is a step closer to leaving.
2008/07/08
The things I hate..
Jag skriver det här på svenska, så att nyfikna ögon inte ska förstå..
Jag HATAR att jag aldrig är lycklig där jag är, utan saknar där jag var eller längtar dit jag ska
Jag HATAR att jag blir otålig och rastlös när jag är ensam
Jag HATAR att jag inte vet vem jag kan ringa när jag inte kan sova
Jag HATAR att jag egentligen tycker om att vara singel men glömmer det titt som tätt
Jag HATAR att så många av mina vänner inte tror att de duger, eller att de mäter sitt värde i mäns uppskattning
Jag HATAR att redan ha åldersnoja trots att jag precis blivit vuxen
Jag HATAR att jag börjar tvivla på mig själv och min kompetens i främmande situationer
Jag HATAR att jag, efter bara två långa Facebook-meddelanden, redan fantiserat ihop ett gemensamt liv för oss två och loggar in flera gånger om dagen för att se om han skrivit
Jag HATAR att köper skor jag inte behöver för mina SL-kortpengar
Jag HATAR att jag fortfarande är ledsen efter Boråstiden (kommer det nånsin kännas bra?) och ledsen för att jag inte kan förlåta er, det måste bli bra snart, det måste
Jag HATAR att jag är tillbaka i Stockholm men fortfarande känner mig ensam
Jag HATAR att jag saknar Florens så det gör ont, varje dag
Jag HATAR att jag slutat drömma på nätterna
Jag HATAR att jag saknar min bästa vän men inte vågar säga det för jag vet inte vad svaret skulle bli
Jag HATAR att ingenting inspirerar mig längre
Jag HATAR att jag aldrig är lycklig där jag är, utan saknar där jag var eller längtar dit jag ska
Jag HATAR att jag blir otålig och rastlös när jag är ensam
Jag HATAR att jag inte vet vem jag kan ringa när jag inte kan sova
Jag HATAR att jag egentligen tycker om att vara singel men glömmer det titt som tätt
Jag HATAR att så många av mina vänner inte tror att de duger, eller att de mäter sitt värde i mäns uppskattning
Jag HATAR att redan ha åldersnoja trots att jag precis blivit vuxen
Jag HATAR att jag börjar tvivla på mig själv och min kompetens i främmande situationer
Jag HATAR att jag, efter bara två långa Facebook-meddelanden, redan fantiserat ihop ett gemensamt liv för oss två och loggar in flera gånger om dagen för att se om han skrivit
Jag HATAR att köper skor jag inte behöver för mina SL-kortpengar
Jag HATAR att jag fortfarande är ledsen efter Boråstiden (kommer det nånsin kännas bra?) och ledsen för att jag inte kan förlåta er, det måste bli bra snart, det måste
Jag HATAR att jag är tillbaka i Stockholm men fortfarande känner mig ensam
Jag HATAR att jag saknar Florens så det gör ont, varje dag
Jag HATAR att jag slutat drömma på nätterna
Jag HATAR att jag saknar min bästa vän men inte vågar säga det för jag vet inte vad svaret skulle bli
Jag HATAR att ingenting inspirerar mig längre
Prenumerera på:
Inlägg (Atom)